Happy Birthday Nolan!!!

Two years ago today my sweet little Nolan was born! He was really tiny, especially compared to his brother, he only weighed 6lbs 13oz and was 21 inches long. We couldn't believe how small he was, they say with each child you have they tend to get bigger and bigger, so I wasn't expecting him to be that small! He grew quickly though and in no time he turned into my little chubs! We went to the dr's today for his check up and he's in the 50th % tile for both height and weight, he's perfect!

Its funny how both my boys are so incredibly different. Nolan is very outgoing, he loves to cuddle and loves to socialize. He may not communicate with words just yet but he's a lover and lets everyone he meets know that. I'm very proud of him, I'm proud of both my boys. I am truly honored that I get to be their mother, they are the most incredible little people and have touched my heart and soul in a way nobody else can. They are my life.

05/30/2006

05/30/2008

Lots of updates...

Not even sure where to begin here... So much to catch up on!

First off, Carters birthday. It just so happened to fall on Memorial day this year. I was struggling trying to find a good way to celebrate it with my family as I knew they wouldn't accept us not having something for him. I had every intention of doing something, just didn't want to include them. I wanted him to have a drama free birthday and I knew that couldn't happen if they were going to be around. Unfortunately he did not get that. Since his b-day was on Memorial day my parents asked if we'd attend their BBQ and offered to turn it into a little birthday party for Carter. I was super hesitant. I didn't want to do that. But my dad insisted we be at his BBQ and my mother insisted we do cake for both boys since their birthdays are just a few days apart. I thought about it and finally decided that this was probably going to be the best option cause the only other would be to have everyone at my house later in the week and I didn't want that either!

To my surprise, my little sister couldn't attend. Sad as it is, I was thrilled about this. I started thinking maybe this was going to be a good day with my family after all. My parents had invited their friends over so I knew they were going to be on their best "showing off" behavior, my sister that I adore was going to be there, and my other sister who I usually, but not always, get along with was also going to be there. I'm sure I've explained this before but I'll explain it again... My parents have 4 girls, my mother babies my oldest sister my dad babies my little sister. Its always been this way, even as a child it was always this way. My other older sister and I were the middle kids and treated as such... to the T. I assume that this is why she and I are best buds and my little sis and oldest sis are best buds (despite the fact that there's a 14 year difference in age, one is a college student and the other a SAHM mom, they have zero in common other than the fact they are their parents "babies" and they are both very negative people who think everyone needs to cater to their needs.)

So anyway, at the BBQ my oldest sister shows up with her husband and 2 kids, I was happy to see them since Carter and her DD get along pretty well. Carter was really excited and that made me happy. They both get in the pool and start are playing and swimming nicely. I don't know why or what was wrong with my oldest sister but she was acting as if she just smoked a dubbie! I know she didn't, she's not like that, but that is how she was acting. My sisters pet name is Debbie Downer. She is always depressing, never upbeat or happy, always complaining, life is always so hard and miserable, she can never handle anything, including her children. She constantly pawns them off on everyone, Mark and I joke that she's Monday thru Friday mom because those are the only days she usually has to have them, like it or not. On the weekends my parents and her MIL take the kids so she can get the breaks she so desperately needs. *insert eye rolling* To put it simply, she's depressing and lazy.

So its no surprise that when she got there she made herself a plate of food then sat down in a lounge chair and refused to do anything more. She sat their for nearly the entire BBQ, never once got up to manage her kids. In the mean time her younger DD kept stealing toys from Nolan, and not that I mind that, but she wanted all the toys, even toys that were his. She refused to share. No matter what Nolan picked up it was instantly hers. My sister did nothing though she was well aware of what was going on. I kept having to get involved and tell her to share but I didn't feel it was my place to punish her every time she didn't. This went on for every bit of an hour, constantly back and forth... mine mine mine! Then there was an incident in the pool, Carter splashed my niece and she told him to stop, he splashed her again and she hit him. Carter was so hurt by this, emotionally. He instantly started sobbing. Carter quickly got over it and I did make him say he was sorry for splashing, my sister's response was " well Carter shouldn't have splashed her DD"... she did nothing to punish her for hitting, in fact its as if she condoned it!

I was irritated at this point but was trying to just let it blow over. My sister is sitting on her lazy ass sipping margarita's while her kids are bulling my kids around on their birthday! I think I had every right to be ticked... Well then it comes to present opening time, her DD instantly starts opening up all of Carters presents. I had to tell her to stop while my sister just watched her start tearing into his gifts. She listened but I shouldn't have had to say anything, my sister should have!

Then my other niece started taking Nolan's toys again, all of them. At this point I was frustrated that she was doing this so I went up to her and told her to stop, I took a toy out of her hand that was Nolan's and gave it to him. I told her firmly that she needed to share. She flipped out, she wanted that toy, she wanted all the toys... My sister finally gets up (because her glass is empty) and goes over to her DD and tells her to give the toy back to Nolan cause she had stolen it back from Nolan. My sister is playing tug of war with her over the toy, showing no other emotion, not firmly telling her to let go or anything, just saying very calmly to let go. Her DD refuses so my sister yanked it out of her hand and when she did that she hit Nolan and he went head first into the pool! She turned around just staring at him, the expression on her face was still unemotional and she made no attempt to jump in after him! I had too, fully dressed, she was in her bathing suit, she was right there, I was about 10 ft away, I got to him first. I was PISSED at this point but still kept my mouth shut. All my sister said was she had no idea what happened... How could that be? She knew what happened she just didn't want to admit it! Poor Nolan was so upset. And what does my sister do? She hands the toy in question over to my niece because Nolan obviously didn't want to play with it anymore and said, "well in her DD's defense, I shouldn't have taken the toy away from her DD in the first place" WTF?! Her DD had been taking toys away from Nolan all afternoon! And way to go on teaching your child the importance of sharing!

I was trying not to cause an even bigger scene but I was livid. My mom tried to change the mood by asking if we could do cake. I said fine, I wasn't really wanting too at this point, I wanted to go home, but I agreed. Dana took a seat next to my mothers friend, was chatting away with her. My mom brought the cake out and I was right in front of her with it. As soon as her girls saw the cake they came running up. I was fine with that but then every time I lit the candles they kept blowing them out, the youngest was spitting all over the cake. I asked her to stop and back up. We sang happy birthday, I motioned for Carter to blow the candles out but he was having a bit of anxiety trip over all the commotion, especially since my nieces were not letting him get to the cake. Again they blew out the candles and Carter didn't get too. I wasn't going to keep relighting them, it was an ice cream cake, we didn't have time to keep playing that game. I was getting more and more pissed at this point, her kids would not back up and let the boys have their moment, my sister did nothing even though I kept telling the girls to back up. Then my younger niece came up and stuck her fingers in the cake and I lost it! I was done at this point, I picked her up, turned around and handed her to my sister and firmly told my sister to please act like a parent today and control her children. I instantly felt bad because her DD started crying, which I'm sure was not because I told my sister off, I'm sure it was because I pulled her away from the cake. It should have never gotten to that point, my sister is the most lazy parent I know. It would have been totally different if they were acting this way even though she was trying to get them to behave, its completely different when she's doing nothing and as a result her kids acting like little crazy people. I don't hold her kids responsible at all, first of all there's an obvious lack of parenting, but also they were acting their age, that's normal and I totally get that. Had the tables been turned I'm sure my sister would have been just as furious but that would never happen.

After that happened my sister said she stood up and said she had to go, she took off in a hurry because I hurt her feelings.... oh boohoo! I was glad to see her go and even more glad to hear my other sister feel the same way. I knew it wasn't just me seeing what was, or should I say wasn't, going on. Still it was nice to have some back up. Mark of course was backing me up the entire time but in a way he has too. Even though my older sister and I get along best, she would never take my side just because, she's not like that. After she left we had a good time, stayed for about an hour or so longer and not a single problem came up. I knew it was too good to be true to think that drama wouldn't occur. I'm really starting to feel numb toward them, I have no desire to see any of them except my older sister.

Speaking of her, her and her hubs aren't doing so well. They got into it at the BBQ as well. When they were dating he was such a nice guy. Everyone was jealous of my sister because he was seriously like her knight and shining armor. He was just so wonderful, so sweet, such a gentleman. After they got married his true side came out, he's a mean, arrogant, possessive man and treats my sister like dirt. They're going to start marriage counseling next week but my sister has pretty much fallen out of love with him. She doesn't want to try, she doesn't think he'll change, and she's tired of wasting her time with him. I don't blame her, he is a royal ass, I won't even repeat some of the things he said to Mark that day because its that vulgar, but needless to say both Mark and I lost a lot of respect for him that he will never get back. She told me today that she wants to move to North Carolina, which is funny because I've been wanting to go there too. She needs some time to save money, Mark would need time to find a job there, but we're considering the move together within the near future! Mark and I have wanted to move there for the longest time, I've been hesitant for several reasons, but one of those reasons was because I wouldn't know anyone. If my sister went I would go in a heartbeat! A lot can happen between now and then, I'm well aware of that, but if all goes as well as planned by 2010 we could be living in NC!

Also today we had our first meeting with the new speech therapist! She is wonderful! I was so happy after she left, I instantly connected with her and just got this great feeling like she was the one who is going to help Nolan. That other chick is long gone, thankfully. I should have known from the start and trusted my gut, but I tried to put my feelings aside and make this about Nolan... lesson learned!

And I'm happy to announce that Nolan is FINALLY back in cloth diapers! He's been out for the last few weeks because his old diapers started falling apart, I sold them on DS and bought a new supply of different diapers that sucked. Sent those back and got some Snap-Ez diapers and they rock!! They're a little on the pricier side but they have a great reputation for holding up and lasting a long time, Brady will be able to use them as well so its worth the investment. And when I say a little pricier I mean by a dollar per diaper, nothing excessive.

I'm sure there's more but Nolan just woke up from his nap... He's so funny because he use to wake up screaming wanting out but for his birthday my parents got him and Carter a fish tank that we put in their room so now every time he wakes from a nap or in the morning he wakes up so nice and peacefully. He'll sit in there for every bit of 30 mins or so just watching the fish and talking to him. He's such a doll, I love him so much! I can't believe in 2 days he's going to be 2!!!! OMG!!!! :D

Happy Birthday Carter!!

Four years ago today was one of the best days of my life. Today is Carters 4th birthday! I can't believe he's 4, he's such a little man now. He was born at 1pm after 24 hours of labor that ended with an emergency c-section. He was 8lbs 4oz, which seemed big but he was so tiny, so perfect, and so beautiful! Now he's a whopping 43lbs, not tiny but still perfect and beautiful in every way!

05/26/04

05/26/2008

TaDa...

Finally, got a name for our new little man! Brady Richard!!

Brady is just a name we like, Richard is for a friend of DH's who passed away of cancer a few years back. Mark really wanted to honor him and I totally agree, he was a great man and died way too young.

Our other choices were Sawyer and Brody. I was really torn at one point, I really wanted each of them. I finally nixed Sawyer when people told me about the character on Lost, which we are not Lost fans and that isn't where we got the name from. Still it sort of started to irk me so I dropped it, Mark never liked Sawyer so he was thrilled.

Then with Brody, I really loved Brody, and was really really tempted. But my very immature sister said if we named him that she was going to call him Grody Brody for his entire life. I figured since she has the maturity of an 8 year old kid I might want to listen to her... ;) Of course that wasn't the only reason I change my mind, what also helped was when I read in my Baby Name Wizard book that Brody was quickly turning into a popular female name. I HATE that, I hate when people name their little girls with boy names! I met a little girl named Karter a few months backed, I wanted to slap that mama! Seriously, just cause you change the spelling does NOT make it a girl name!

Then we threw another name into the mix, Wesley Richard. DH loves this name, me not so much. Sounds too whiny to me but we decided to keep it as our back up name.

So after much debating we settled on Brady Richard. I'm already in love with every bit of this little guy! I can't wait to meet him!

A week from today...

My baby will be 4! I can't believe how fast time has flown by. He's a little person now, he carries on a conversation, can tell me what he wants and needs, has likes and dislikes, he's so smart, and he's growing like a weed! I can't believe how tall he is, definitely does not take after his mama! He comes up to my boobs already, of course I'm only 5ft on a good day, but still! He's going to trump me before he makes it out of kindergarten! Speaking of kindergarten, he starts pre-k in August. Every time I think about that it makes me so sad, I want to home school him but I truly don't think I could teach him better than what he would get at public school. The thought of not having him here with me every day like he has been for the last 4 years just completely tears me apart. Its only from 9-12 M-F but those 3 hours of the day are special to me. He really loves MMO though, he calls that school, he begs to go every morning but we can only go a few days a week, and that's another thing that makes me sad, he loves MMO so much, now he's going to have to go to a new school. I really need to stop thinking so much about all of this, I know he'll adjust fine, guess maybe its harder on me since I'm so hormonal these days.

Family time

Mark was supposed to take Thursday through Monday off, he ended up home since Tuesday due to his stomach virus. Thankfully that cleared up rather quickly, he still has moments but he's not nearly as bad. We ended up going to the aquarium on Thursday as planned, it was a lot of fun but made for a very long day. If you're on my myspace I posted pics! The aquarium itself was nice, we'll have to go back since the outside play area was closed. The outside play area looked really cool, too bad it wasn't open. We had one little incident that day, this crazy woman YELLED at Nolan because he bopped her daughter on the head. Now first off, Nolan was standing by the glass of the big tank minding his own business. This crazy woman comes up and is trying to get through the crowd, and not so nicely either. She was saying very rudely, "EXCUSE ME" but not giving anyone any time to react. She ended up hitting Nolan (not hard but enough to startle him) with her stroller. She had absolutely no regards for anyone else. Nolan turned around, thinking he had been hit, and bopped the girl back. Now of course I don't condone this, but at the same time I was right there, trying to get him out of her way, and immediately told Nolan "No hit" She had no right to yell at my son and I told her so. She got all upset, trying to defend herself by making Nolan look like this vicious little terror who just beat up her daughter. Everyone there who saw what happened was in total shock of this woman, one guy even told her she needed to leave as her kind wasn't welcomed. Mark even stood up to her and told her to take a hike, he's not the kind to do that at all. It was unreal. I mean I know Nolan shouldn't have hit her daughter but still, he's not even 2 and he was confused. Plus he's my child and I was right there trying my best to handle the situation. I don't think its ever right to reprimand someone elses child if the parent is right there, especially if you don't know the child or mother. If she had said in a nice tone that hitting is not right then I would have been fine with it, but the fact that she plowed into Nolan then yelled at him for hitting her daughter... Just didn't sit well with me at all!

So after our fun filled aquarium day we came home, relaxed, and just hung out. Nolan woke up from his nap and I noticed he was really hot. Poor kid now has another fever, which for now is his only symptom other than being lethargic from the fever. I took him to the dr today, since this is the second time he's been sick in the last 2 weeks I wanted to make sure it wasn't his ears. Just a cold, tylenol for fever, has to ride it out... poor kid!

As for today, we did a lot of running around, getting errands done. My house is clean, top to bottom. We went to the grocery store, so we're completely stocked up for the week. Got our valpak in the mail and found an awesome coupon in there for the Eager Beaver... haha, so not what you think! It's a car wash place! Royal Treatment, which is usually $25 bucks, was only $12 with the coupon. Apparently everyone else in town got their coupon too, the place was jammin! Still it was fun, the boys love watching our van go through the car wash from the main window. While we were waiting in our car for the guy to come up and ask us what we wanted the baby started kicking around, I quickly grabbed Marks hand and pushed it into my belly just a little and BOOM! He finally felt him kick! For the last few weeks Mark kept missing his kicks but this time there was no way he could miss it, little man was practicing karate in there! lol

While driving around yesterday we noticed the for sale sign down on the house we almost bought last year. My dad had this awesome idea to buy the house for us and have us pay him back. For so many reasons I'm happy this didn't work out but at the time it seemed like a great idea. My dad likes to have control over us, if we had gotten this house we would have been stuck here. Now with the way things have turned out I'm glad we're not, but it still was a great opportunity. Anyway, the for sale sign was gone so we decided to look it up on the property appraisers site to see if it sold, it did!!! When we were interested he house was listed for $169,000, my dad offered a cash as is sale for $140,000. In the state our economy is in that is really a great deal. No fuss, no muss, here's your $140,000 now get lost... Oh no no no, they were "highly offended" by the offer, which is rather comical in itself. Apparently the parents passed away and the kids were selling the house wanting as much as they could get their greedy hands on. This house was built in the 70's, it was a nice house but when you walked inside it still looked like 1970 in there, granted it was only cosmetic but still, it was in desperate need of updates. The tile floor throughout the kitchen and bathrooms looked like the tile in nasty old Taco Bell restaurants. Seriously. Anyway, this was about 7 months ago that we made this offer, the house just sold a few weeks ago for $135,000 and had to offer a warranty on the house as well, something we were not asking for! Suckers! Not only did they have to wait another 6 months, if they had sold it to us when we were trying to buy it they would have made $5000 more plus wouldn't have had to pay their taxes on it that year... which was also pretty $$$. Serves them right, highly offended my ass... more like GREEDY! Anyway as petty as that sounds, it made my day!

Tomorrow we don't plan on doing much, its our one lazy day! Sunday we're supposed to go to my in-laws but if Nolan is still sick we may not. It's been nice having Mark home, Carter and Nolan are loving all this daddy time and daddy is too! Sucks that both Nolan and Mark have been sick, thank God we weren't in the mountains for all of that! Now that would have truly sucked! I'm sort of glad we're not up there as well, already I'm starting to feel very pregnant and I don't know how well I'd handle a 10 hour car trip. My ankles are already swollen and I run out of breath rather quickly. The air up there is much different than down here, hiking up and down the hills would have done me in! I believe in signs, I knew there was a reason we shouldn't go, guess this was it! Kinda wish it was a better reason though...

Uggh...

Why is it when Mark is sick he gets to stop being a husband, a father, a co-worker... everything but a sick man who expects to be waited on hand and foot. But when I get sick I still have to keep on being everything to everyone. I almost wish it was me sick instead of him, he's worse than having 2 sick kids at once!

As expected...

So our plans for MD was to go out to brunch with my family at 10am. My parents are a member of the Moose club, originally they were going to take all of us to a really nice country club but when they found out their friends were all going to the Moose instead they decided to follow along. I was fine with this, I really didn't care, either way I didn't want to go but was going because I felt I had too.

Every time I have to do something with my family I get very bitchy right before. I really noticed this yesterday. Mark has pointed it out several times before but I didn't believe him. I guess the anxiety of knowing I'm going to have too see them gets to me and I take it out on him, poor guy. When we got to the Moose my dad met us at the front door, when he's around his friends he acts like this big macho guy who can't even shake his son-in-law's hand or hug his daughter or grandkids. Yesterday was no exception. What really pissed me off was that my parents chose a place to eat knowing they allow smoking inside the building. Umm... thanks a lot! Had I known prior to going that smoking was permitted I would not have went. Right as I walked in I got an instant headache. Just what I wanted on mothers day, to expose my children, my unborn, my husband and myself to some very heavy and nasty secondhand smoke that made me feel ill. Sorry to you smokers out there, I honestly don't care about smoking itself, but I do care about being trapped in a building having to smell it. I love that our state has a no smoking law in restaurants or anywhere where food is served. I have no idea how this club went around that but somehow they did. The second person I see is my little sister, my first thought was, ok, here we go... I knew she was going to yell at me for not calling her back the other day when she was in town. In my defense she called my cell only, my cell was in my car on the charger, by the time I realized she called it was the next day. So of course, first thing she did was to make some snarky remark about it then roll her eyes at me. Nice, real mature. I tried explaining but she didn't care. We got seated a few mins later and I made damn sure I sat far away from her. I tried talking a little to my mother, but really all I wanted to say to her was that I was still angry with her for the comments she made about the boys. I refrained, of course, because I really didn't want any drama and I didn't think that was the right place or time. It was still very hard to be face to face with her. I sat far away from her too.

So we're sitting there, waiting to be served. I'm trying my best to make small talk but was really more focused on the kids. Nolan was hungry, however nothing I tried giving him was working. I knew that he'd never make it till 10am with no breakfast so I fed him a big bowl of cantaloupe before we left, around 9:00. I thought that would tie him over until brunch was served. However at 10:45 there was still no food, we had been there for nearly an hour. Nolan was becoming hard to control. He wanted to either get out of his chair and walk around or eat. I tried walking around with him but he wanted to visit others and they were busy eating. I heard the waiter guy come out and say that he was serving table 14, we were table 17. I had no idea how long it would take for them to get to us and by now Nolan was having a complete melt down. And like clockwork, the criticizing comments started... "Why is he acting like that?" Because he's hungry and he's 2. "Well, nobody else's 2 year old I know ever acted like that" This coming from my 22 year old sister who of course doesn't have kids and is rarely around them. With that comment I knew she was comparing Nolan to my sisters girls who apparently can do know wrong. My parents joined in on the fun and started telling me what I should do and how to handle him, I didn't agree. Why should I punish my child for expressing that he was hungry! Granted he wasn't expressing himself the way I would have preferred but lets not forget he's not even 2!! Finally I just turned to Mark and told him to take Nolan home. My mom asked were they were going and I said home. Apparently that's not what they wanted either. They didn't want him embarrassing them in front of their friends, but they didn't want him to leave either. I never win. My little sister saw this has another opportunity to attack me again and gave me a nasty look and asked what did I expect, them to have the food ready for us the second we walked in. I said no but after 45 mins Nolan was done, he wanted to eat now so Mark was going to take him home and feed him. Then she looked at me again with that nasty look and said, "You are such a bitch!" My mom told her to hush but that was all that was said. I was done, I called Mark on his cell to tell him not to leave yet that I was coming with him. I wasn't going to sit there on my mothers day and be told that I was a bitch for trying to do what I felt was right for my son (and everyone around him who didn't want to hear him) because he was hungry. My dad asked me why I was leaving and I told him I wasn't putting up with this today. They asked me to leave Carter and I refused that too, he's my son, its mothers day, why would I leave him with them?! Besides that I know too well that this was going to be talked about the entire breakfast after we left, I can only imagine the things my little sister was saying about me. I don't want my son to hear her spew. After we left we went to a restaurant that's like a Shoney's, I figured it would be perfect since it was buffet style and we could eat immediately, and we did. Poor Nolan scarfed down his food like he hadn't eaten in weeks. He was so hungry! :(

After breakfast we went home, took the boys outside to play, and had a great remainder of the day. I've since decided that I will no longer attend family functions. I am really sad about this, I moved back home to be closer to family and now I can't wait to get away again. I so badly want to move away but at the same time, despite my family, I love this town. Its safe, its where I grew up, its home. Its big enough where I don't have to worry about running into them, they live on one side, I live on another. My sister that I do get along with (and who feels the same about our family as I do) is just a few towns away. My grandfather is here. My best friends are here. The school systems are great. So many things to do as a family, why would I want to leave?! I don't know, maybe my not attending family functions will make a difference, maybe not. I could never permanently disown my family, though I've seriously considered it. Another thing I've considered is seeing a therapist to help me cope with the stress.

As sad as it is, through everything I've learned that the only family I need to concern myself with is the one I've created. My boys, my husband, and myself. At the end of the day they are the only family I need and the only family I will focus on giving my all too.

In a funk...

Not sure why, I've just been in a funk lately. Not really wanting to post or anything. Lots happened this last week, maybe its just the stress from being so busy?

Anyway, Tuesday our stimulus check came, yay! Most if it was going to bills, the rest our vacation. We finally paid off our lawyer so now its just the waiting game on when our official court date is. I can't wait till this is over for good, we've been living this hell for too long, we should have filed 4 years ago but never did. Not sure why, just didn't. We forfeited our CC's 4 years ago so living cash only is something we're used to already, but for some reason this entire ordeal is still very demoralizing. Our lawyer said look for the middle of June. Can't wait but at the same time so not looking forward to this.

I've been searching craigslist like crazy, literally checking it like 50 times a day. Finally the other day it paid off! I found the bouncer I wanted and the swing I wanted for the new baby, both dirt cheap and both in barely used condition. I love getting a good deal! Because of this I decided to splurge a little and get this gorgeous diaper bag I've been eyeing... $20 TJ Maxx special! Its beautiful! Then a good friend of mine said she'd give me her infant car seat, which is awesome considering this is probably our last baby so the idea of spending $100 on a seat our baby would sit in for only a few months wasn't something I really wanted to do. Her son only used it for a few weeks, he didn't like his seat and did better in a convertible so its practically brand new!

On Thursday the stupid speech therapist person stopped by, unannounced, just to tell me face to face that she was sorry she hasn't called and to tell me when she was going to come next week. I was not ok with this and they will be hearing from me on Monday. I was nice to her face but the more I think about this the more pissed off I get. I don't like people stopping by unannounced, I don't take lightly to this sort of thing, and its not like she doesn't have a cell phone, she's called me from hers several times. Anyway Nolan didn't get a session last week because they couldn't fit us in, then again this week, they wanted to do next week but we were supposed to be on vacation. So that's 3 weeks with nothing. Granted one week was our fault but the other two were not. I went from requesting 2 visits per week to nothing for 3. I'm done. They will be hearing from me Monday.

On Friday I took our van in for 2 tires, we had the fronts replaced at Christmas time cause the treads were falling off. The backs were ok but with going on vacation I wanted them taken care of as they were not in good condition for mountain driving. When they took the tires off, they were to move the front newer ones to the back and put 2 new front tires on the front, they noticed my brake pads were worn out and needed to be replaced. My first thought was no biggie, right, how much could that cost... apparently more than I ever imagined. $139 for just front brakes, $149 for just rear brakes, and $91 for a flush. I told them no way, I wanted to shop around first. Thankfully I did. I called Just Brakes, which I felt a little skevy about but I figured I'd give them the benefit of the doubt since they offer their $99 brake job. When I got there I noticed a good friend of mine was working there which made me feel a lot better. He and I go way back, his wife and I were friends in middle school and when they dated in high school we (her husband and I) became pretty good friends. I was in her wedding and everything, lived with them for a few months after high school. Life happened, I moved away then they did. We kept in phone contact but eventually lost touch with the exception of that yearly Christmas card. I felt so much better knowing he was doing my brakes, he's a great mechanic and I fully trust him. Unfortunately I didn't just need brake pads, I also needed 2 new rotors. I don't even want to know what the tire place would have charged me for those, but thanks to Just Brakes awesome deal I drove out of there with 2 new rotors, 4 brake pads, and a flush for $350... Tire place wanted nearly $400 for just the pads and flush alone! Thank God we discovered this problem before we left, our brakes were down to the bottom, I don't even want to think about what could have happened had we not known and went anyway.

Needless to say this unexpected brake issue forced us to cancel our vacation. We could still go up there but we wouldn't be able to do anything fun, so whats the point? We wouldn't even be able to afford the gas to drive around and sight see! It sucks, but really it was for the best. A lot happened last week that kept telling Mark and I that we shouldn't be going. Last time something like this happened we ended up pregnant, granted that can't possibly happen again but I really believe in signs and this was definitely ours. Mark is still taking some time off at the end of the week, on Thursday we're going to the beach and on Friday we're going to the Florida Aquarium. The boys will love having daddy around, I'm really looking forward to the family time as well!

Tomorrow is Mothers day. I'm not really looking forward to it but of course I'm so thankful for the opportunity to celebrate it. The reason I'm not looking forward to it is because of my own mother. Its hard for me to celebrate these days with someone who I think was not necessarily the worst mother, but she also wasn't the best. This goes for fathers day too. I hate buying cards, all these cards that are mushy and gushy saying things like "Mom, nobody compares to you..." or "Mom, you made my life so much better..." I just can't bring myself to buy those cards, sign my name, and hand it over. It would be a lie. The newest drama going on with them is they finally admitted that they don't like the boys. This has been going on for a long time, both my parents favor my older sister and my younger sister, me and my other sister have always been the black sheep, and to no surprise we are also the closest. Anyway older sister has 2 girls, and my parents spoil the hell out of them. They're good to the boys, sometimes, but nothing like they are with my sisters girls. Their favoritism is something I am used too, I never in a million years thought my boys would have to get use to it too. It makes me so sad that my kids will never have grandparents that love them unconditionally. My grandparents were the best, I miss my grandmother so much it hurts, my kids will never get that. Not that I want them to hurt but even though my grandmother passed when I was 15 I wouldn't trade a single memory with her and cherish all that I have. Marks parents are older and not as interested, plus they live 3 hours away. I hate saying this but they bore the boys. They're very quiet and not very energetic people. The boys like action. Anyway my parents claim that the boys are too much for them, that they wear them out, and that unlike my sisters kids, you can't just turn the TV on for them and have them sit there for hours on end watching TV and not getting into things. I could buy the wearing them out excuse if they weren't always partying and going dancing. They seem to have all the energy in the world to do everything but spend time with their grandsons. Then she says something I will never forget, that my kids just don't listen, especially Nolan. This hurt more than words describe. Nolan does listen, he doesn't fucking understand!! How many fucking times do I have to tell my mother this before it sinks in... he doesn't understand, this is why I have been breaking my back trying to get him into therapy with almost no success at all, and as hard as its been and all the criticism I've heard from opinionated people who don't know shit about what they're talking about, my mother was the last person I expected to hear it from. People at the park ask me why he's not talking, people at the grocery store, Target, the mall... wherever we go they look at me funny when I say he's 2 and doesn't talk yet. I explain to them what's going on and whether they get it or not I don't really care. My mother on the other hand, I can't be forgiving of her ignorance anymore. I hated feeling like I didn't have her unconditional love growing up, I'll be damned if I let them do that to my children. Sad as it is, we live less than 10 mins away yet they, by their choice, will have to watch their grandsons grow up in pictures. So yeah, Happy fucking Mothers day to you mom... You're the best...

So much going on!

Now that we know we're having a boy we've got lots to do! Let the fun begin... Shopping! All of our baby gear was crap so we got rid of it after Nolan. My older sister and I got pregnant with our first a year apart from each other so instead of me buying everything that she already had she let me borrow all of her stuff, fast forward 5 years and 4 kids later all of the stuff we had either broke or was or expired. I need a new infant car seat, bouncer, swing, and clothes. We have some clothes but after 2 boys there's a lot that needs to be replaced. I'd also like to get a moses basket. Thank goodness for our stimulus check and Marks bonus! Good news is that I most likely will not have to pay for any or many of the diapers we plan on using!! My 2 best friends wanted to throw a shower for me but I'm adamant about not letting that happen. Personally I think having multiple baby showers is tacky but I think its sweet they offered.

On top of that we're planning our first family vaca, ever! We've gone on day trips before and did a few overnights, but we were just a few hours away. This time we are going to the mountains! Marks parents own a villa on a golf course right in the heart of the mountains so lodging is free, when we get there we'll run to the grocery store so we won't be eating out a lot either which really helps save $ but with gas prices the way they are, sigh, that's the only thing that really sucks. We haven't been up there since before we had Carter, actually I was pregnant with Carter the last time we went. There is so much to do up there, the kids are going to have a blast. We're taking them on a train ride through the Nantahala forest (sp?) then after to the local carnival. We also have friends up there so we plan on doing a little visiting, then just driving and site seeing. We're also considering Gatlinburg and Pigeon Forge. Ultimately Mark and I would love to move up there, we are seriously considering it, however I want to wait for now seeing as my grandfather hasn't been in the greatest health, and he adores the boys, I couldn't imagine taking them away from him.

We're still debating on when we're going to leave. I made the mistake of telling DH we should stop by his parents house on the way up there, I thought we'd leave on mothers day so it would be a nice surprise to stop in and see them for an hour or so. This is why I can't stand my inlaws though... nothing is ever enough, give a little they take a mile. Stopping in for a short visit isn't good enough, they want us to stay the night with them then leave Monday morning from their house. Ugh! No freaking way! My inlaws make me extremely uncomfortable and my FIL annoys the hell out of me. Don't get me wrong, they are very nice people, but they are just so annoying. I feel bad saying no, but at the same time this is our first family vaca and I can't bring myself to say yes to starting it out this way either. Seeing them for a few hours out of the day is one thing, spending the night is another. They won't even let Mark and I sleep in the same bed! We've been married almost 3 years now, together for almost 8, they know we sleep in the same bed every night at home so why would being at their house overnight be any different? If only they knew what we did at their house the time we stayed there while they were out of town... and how many times we did it... LMAO we'd surely send them to an early grave! The inlaws are extremely proper people, nothing like Mark, I often wonder if Mark was adopted. My inlaws make the Cleavers look like rebels.

I can't wait till next week... even though I'm a little nervous since the boys have never been away from home for that amount of time, I hope it doesn't royally screw with their sleeping habits. Even if, I know we are going to have a blast together!

I have a feeling the next few months are going to fly by. Before you know it I'm going to be posting the "He's Here!!!" post!