As expected...

So our plans for MD was to go out to brunch with my family at 10am. My parents are a member of the Moose club, originally they were going to take all of us to a really nice country club but when they found out their friends were all going to the Moose instead they decided to follow along. I was fine with this, I really didn't care, either way I didn't want to go but was going because I felt I had too.

Every time I have to do something with my family I get very bitchy right before. I really noticed this yesterday. Mark has pointed it out several times before but I didn't believe him. I guess the anxiety of knowing I'm going to have too see them gets to me and I take it out on him, poor guy. When we got to the Moose my dad met us at the front door, when he's around his friends he acts like this big macho guy who can't even shake his son-in-law's hand or hug his daughter or grandkids. Yesterday was no exception. What really pissed me off was that my parents chose a place to eat knowing they allow smoking inside the building. Umm... thanks a lot! Had I known prior to going that smoking was permitted I would not have went. Right as I walked in I got an instant headache. Just what I wanted on mothers day, to expose my children, my unborn, my husband and myself to some very heavy and nasty secondhand smoke that made me feel ill. Sorry to you smokers out there, I honestly don't care about smoking itself, but I do care about being trapped in a building having to smell it. I love that our state has a no smoking law in restaurants or anywhere where food is served. I have no idea how this club went around that but somehow they did. The second person I see is my little sister, my first thought was, ok, here we go... I knew she was going to yell at me for not calling her back the other day when she was in town. In my defense she called my cell only, my cell was in my car on the charger, by the time I realized she called it was the next day. So of course, first thing she did was to make some snarky remark about it then roll her eyes at me. Nice, real mature. I tried explaining but she didn't care. We got seated a few mins later and I made damn sure I sat far away from her. I tried talking a little to my mother, but really all I wanted to say to her was that I was still angry with her for the comments she made about the boys. I refrained, of course, because I really didn't want any drama and I didn't think that was the right place or time. It was still very hard to be face to face with her. I sat far away from her too.

So we're sitting there, waiting to be served. I'm trying my best to make small talk but was really more focused on the kids. Nolan was hungry, however nothing I tried giving him was working. I knew that he'd never make it till 10am with no breakfast so I fed him a big bowl of cantaloupe before we left, around 9:00. I thought that would tie him over until brunch was served. However at 10:45 there was still no food, we had been there for nearly an hour. Nolan was becoming hard to control. He wanted to either get out of his chair and walk around or eat. I tried walking around with him but he wanted to visit others and they were busy eating. I heard the waiter guy come out and say that he was serving table 14, we were table 17. I had no idea how long it would take for them to get to us and by now Nolan was having a complete melt down. And like clockwork, the criticizing comments started... "Why is he acting like that?" Because he's hungry and he's 2. "Well, nobody else's 2 year old I know ever acted like that" This coming from my 22 year old sister who of course doesn't have kids and is rarely around them. With that comment I knew she was comparing Nolan to my sisters girls who apparently can do know wrong. My parents joined in on the fun and started telling me what I should do and how to handle him, I didn't agree. Why should I punish my child for expressing that he was hungry! Granted he wasn't expressing himself the way I would have preferred but lets not forget he's not even 2!! Finally I just turned to Mark and told him to take Nolan home. My mom asked were they were going and I said home. Apparently that's not what they wanted either. They didn't want him embarrassing them in front of their friends, but they didn't want him to leave either. I never win. My little sister saw this has another opportunity to attack me again and gave me a nasty look and asked what did I expect, them to have the food ready for us the second we walked in. I said no but after 45 mins Nolan was done, he wanted to eat now so Mark was going to take him home and feed him. Then she looked at me again with that nasty look and said, "You are such a bitch!" My mom told her to hush but that was all that was said. I was done, I called Mark on his cell to tell him not to leave yet that I was coming with him. I wasn't going to sit there on my mothers day and be told that I was a bitch for trying to do what I felt was right for my son (and everyone around him who didn't want to hear him) because he was hungry. My dad asked me why I was leaving and I told him I wasn't putting up with this today. They asked me to leave Carter and I refused that too, he's my son, its mothers day, why would I leave him with them?! Besides that I know too well that this was going to be talked about the entire breakfast after we left, I can only imagine the things my little sister was saying about me. I don't want my son to hear her spew. After we left we went to a restaurant that's like a Shoney's, I figured it would be perfect since it was buffet style and we could eat immediately, and we did. Poor Nolan scarfed down his food like he hadn't eaten in weeks. He was so hungry! :(

After breakfast we went home, took the boys outside to play, and had a great remainder of the day. I've since decided that I will no longer attend family functions. I am really sad about this, I moved back home to be closer to family and now I can't wait to get away again. I so badly want to move away but at the same time, despite my family, I love this town. Its safe, its where I grew up, its home. Its big enough where I don't have to worry about running into them, they live on one side, I live on another. My sister that I do get along with (and who feels the same about our family as I do) is just a few towns away. My grandfather is here. My best friends are here. The school systems are great. So many things to do as a family, why would I want to leave?! I don't know, maybe my not attending family functions will make a difference, maybe not. I could never permanently disown my family, though I've seriously considered it. Another thing I've considered is seeing a therapist to help me cope with the stress.

As sad as it is, through everything I've learned that the only family I need to concern myself with is the one I've created. My boys, my husband, and myself. At the end of the day they are the only family I need and the only family I will focus on giving my all too.