I once remember this person saying if I could just see that second line I would stop worrying. Ha! I hope she got the chance to realize how wrong she was.

That person obviously didn't understand that second line just meant a whole new set of worries to come. I promised myself that this pregnancy I was going to sit back and enjoy it, yet all I've done is worry. I should have known better than to promise myself anything like that. You'd think with each pregnancy I would become a little less neurotic and a little more confident, well I haven't.

I have been feeling my baby moving for 4 weeks now, well actually for 3 weeks then last week the movements stopped. A lot happened in the last week, with my grandfather then having my 2nd root canal in the same tooth that had a root canal in it a year ago (long story short, went to have the tooth crowned and they couldn't do it because the tooth was in pain still. My dentist said that shouldn't be so he had me have it looked at again by the endodontist who said I needed a re-treatment which is a fancy way of saying that I needed another root canal because that's exactly what it felt like! Good news is now all the work is done, April 10th my tooth will be crowned and hopefully will not have to deal with dental drama for a long long time!) So anyway, kept thinking that tomorrow I'll feel the baby, everything is fine. But no movement was felt. I said this to myself for several days before finally calling my wonderful doctor to see if I could come in for a heartbeat check.

The nurse I spoke with said exactly what I thought she was going to say, that it was too early to be feeling movement at all and not too worry, but she wanted to check with Dr T first. I hate when people tell me what I'm feeling is gas, I've been pregnant 3 times now, I think I can distinguish the difference between gas and baby, actually I know I can! I know what I've felt in the past was baby, and I know I felt it early but I always felt my babies early. Carter was the latest at 14 weeks, Nolan at 12 weeks, this baby at 11 weeks. First started the butterfly flutters, then what can only be described like a little bowling ball rolling from side to side, then the somersaults and flips. No real jabs or kicks yet, that I know its too early for!

So miss know-it-all nurse calls me back and said Dr T said to come in right away. She didn't say it in an OMG get your ass here now kind of way but it was still a bit alarming to hear her tell me to come in now. I called hubby up, he was oblivious to all of this but when I told him he did say "So that's why you haven't been mentioning the baby moving all week." Duh! I told him not to leave work but to just stay by the phone and wait for me to call. I got to Dr T's office at 3:30, they were very behind so we had to wait forever. Finally around 5 I was taken back. I was fully prepared for Dr T to be mad or act like I was wasting his time. I felt like I was being a bit neurotic! After all I had yet another nurse there tell me once again that I shouldn't be feeling movement yet! Grrrr! When Dr T came in the room he was very compassionate, he also said it is still early but knowing that this is my 3rd pregnancy he agreed that I was feeling movement and that only I know my body so when he heard it was me he wanted to see me and give me some reassurance. And he did, he found the heartbeat within seconds! Carter and Nolan were in the room with me, Carter immediately said, "Oh mom, you're not going to cry again are you?" LOL I did, but I hid it well. Dr T was so sweet about the whole thing, he asked if that made me feel better and of course it did. He was pleased by that, not wanting me to spend the night and rest of the weekend worrying. I guess he knows me better than I thought because I would have.

Since then I think I have felt the baby move, but nothing like I was feeling. I know the baby is fine, I need to stop worrying, I need to enjoy my pregnancy since it will most likely be my last, but if I know me I won't stop worrying about him... ever! The joys of motherhood!

Easter Suday

I admit, I was worried about hosting Easter. My family and drama go hand in hand, you can't have one without the other. It's not that I can't deal with it, I just won't, not anymore. The biggest drama queen would have to be my little sister but I'll get to her a little later. I was expecting Easter with the family to be a little tense, I wasn't expecting to get such a scare.

Sunday morning started out great with the boys and their Easter baskets. I think Carter was expecting more of a Santa thing, with a big basket and a bundle of presents waiting for him to tear into. But all in all he was happy with what we did for him, we filled a basket with some candy and 1 gift, The Jungle Book DVD. He's been wanting it for a while now and has watched it about 10 times since! We got Nolan the same basket but instead of a DVD we got him a children's Bible. Not that they really understand but we still read stories from it to both boys.

So I was getting ready to start cleaning, preparing for the family to show up. I called one of my older sisters to say Happy Easter and see how their morning went with my nieces. She informed me that my grandpa wasn't feeling good that morning and had to go to the hospital! Hearing that completely caught me off guard. I knew he wasn't feeling well but he had gone to the dr the Friday before, was told he had a post nasal drip and was given medicine for it. So why did he need to go to the hospital!? Turns out he did not have a post nasal drip, he had congestive heart failure! Boy, that doctor of his couldn't have gotten more wrong if he tried! Sigh.

Congestive heart failure (CHF) is a condition in which the heart can't pump enough blood to the body's other organs. In my grandfathers case it was caused by fluid buildup around his lungs and heart. It was mild, but serious and treatable. Thank God! When I first heard CHF my heart sank, my first thought was that he was going to die. He's not young, 88 years old, but he's a fighter and a spunky old man. He's got a girlfriend (which I take full responsibility for hooking him up with!) and is still in very good health, otherwise. However I don't know if they ever found out why that fluid built up, the one thing we know for sure is that it most certainly was not post nasal drip that he was suffering from!

My grandfather is home already, went home today. My other older sister and I went to the hospital today. We were there for a few hours waiting for him to be released. During that time he looked great, had plenty of energy, was so happy to see us, and really looking forward to going home. They took forever releasing him. Finally my father had to come to the hospital to wait with him, I could have waiting more but I think my grandfather was really wanting my dad to take him home. I called him a little bit ago, he's such a cute old man! He's happy to be home and is acting like just a few days ago his heart didn't almost stop! Really, that's a good thing, but you'd think he'd want to take it easy. Nope my my grandpa!

As for Easter, everything went pretty well. The kids (Carter, Nolan and my 2 nieces) had an Easter egg hunt in our backyard then we had our BBQ followed by the kids playing on the slip and slide in the back yard for a few hours. After an hour or so the water from the slip and slide turned my back yard into a big mud puddle! The kids were rolling around in the mud like little piggies, it was funny, cute, and very dirty! But they had fun and that's whats most important.

There was of course one incident with my lovely little sister, and when I say lovely I really mean extremely over dramatic and obnoxiously loud. I wasn't in the room but according to Mark my little sister walked in and started laying all over my dad telling him he needs to buy her this, and that, a house... etc. My dad, being the tough guy he thinks he is started play fighting with her and apparently smashed her sunglasses into the top of her head while trying to give her nuggies (not even sure how you spell that...?) Little sis went into a tirade screaming at my dad that he almost broke her precious pair of $100 Coach sunglasses (that by the way her ex boyfriend bought her at Marshalls for $40). If she wants to yell at my dad, fine, I can care less. It was between them. However she knew that Nolan was sleeping and she knew that his room was just a few feet from her loud mouth. She could have had the decency to shut the fuck up about this one little issue, since after all her glasses were just fine. Instead she carried on and on. I ran in the house to tell her to be quiet and she started screaming at me, like I was the one who almost broke her stupid sunglasses. She has zero respect for anyone and only cares about herself. She pouted for a few mins but eventually got over it and left shortly after. Hate to say it but I was relieved when she left, however it wouldn't have been a Easter family get together without her little dramatic outburst so all I can say is... Good riddance, the day is over and my grandpa is home and healthy!

Thinking about my Nolan

I have a crap load of shit to do, fam is coming over tomorrow for Easter and yet I have no desire to clean or cook, I can't stop thinking about my little Nolan.

I've mentioned before that he's still not speaking, he babbles but there is little communication accept for him whining and us playing the guessing game on what he wants. He's 22 months, he should have at least 20 words by now, he has 1, "hi". We had our first evaluation with a group of therapists, one being a speech pathologist. They determined he is communicating at a 4 month level, which I think is a bit harsh. I've never seen a 4 month old communicate the way he does, he's plenty more advanced than a 4 month old, but they are the "experts".

He does communicate with us, we can carry on a babbling conversation, he seems to understand but we don't! Its cute! But realistically by now he should be understanding more commands and speaking a few more words than he does. And its not necessarily the lack of words, more so the lack of receptive language. Like if I say, "give me the ball" or "throw this in the trash" or "give mommy your blanket"... etc. He should be able to follow those commands, he doesn't. There are a few little commands he can follow, like if I ask for hugs he will give them to me, same with kisses and give me 5. However those are commands most children learn before or at the age of 1, Nolan is just now catching onto those commands.

Its not that he's not smart, I can tell by the way he plays and interacts that he's very intelligent, he just doesn't know how to speak. The therapists and pathologist we spoke with felt that its not a physical problem, that he's capable of talking, we just need to teach him how and he's going to need a little extra help. We are having a therapist come to our house once a week and their goal is that within 6 months Nolan will have 15 words that he uses appropriately. That's great, but realistically that would still put him far behind other children his age.

It's gotten to the point when people ask me how old Nolan is I just say 1 instead of 22 months. When I use to tell them he'll be 2 in May they would instantly start asking him questions and trying to get him to talk, and when he wouldn't they'd look at me as if he was dumb, almost as if their facial expressions were saying, "What is wrong with your child!" I'm not embarrassed by him, I'm embarrassed for him. He doesn't understand, which is great, but I hate that people are judging my son when they don't know him. I actually had one family member ask if the reason he was so stupid is because he has a small head? Where do people come up with this shit?

I try to tell myself that it's all going to be ok and that one day we'll look back at this, laugh, and wish he'd give us a moment of peace and quiet. It doesn't help. Good friends and family all say not to worry about it, he'll talk when he's ready. But how can I not! Until you've been told by a speech pathologist that your nearly 2 year old child is speaking and communicating at a 4 month old level please do not tell me not to worry about it! I'm his mother, its my job to worry about it!

I keep going over everything in my head, trying to find a reason this is happening to my little man. What did I do, was it my fault because I forgot every now and then to take my prenatal vitamins? Was it a medication I took during my pregnancy for nausea or heartburn? Was it because he was so small at birth even though he was born full term? Was it because he got so sick when he was just a few months old and almost had to be hospitalized due to RSV? Was the 1 year I breastfed not long enough? Why??? I know I'll never know why, if there even is a reason why, but I'm the kind of person who needs reasons to this sort of thing, and not having one is just eating at me. Especially because if its something I did, or didn't do, I'd like to not make that mistake again with our new little one.

The writting on the wall...and sheets, comforter, furniture, toys...etc.

Carter is my little artist, a few times he's gotten a hold of a pencil or marker and decided to display his masterpieces for all to see, we are so proud... Ha...Ha...Ha...

This is what we woke up to yesterday morning, apparently he hid a pencil in his bed before we tucked him in. In the morning this is what I found.


About a year ago Marks brother, sister-in-law, and their 4 kids came over to see Nolan, he was only a few months old. His youngest niece had brought a dry erase board and markers to entertain herself on their 2.5 hour car ride. I guess our house wasn't exciting enough for her so she brought everything inside but unfortunately forgot 1 RED marker. I didn't see it, Carter did, of course.

The night before my little artist went to work was a rough night, Nolan was just a little guy and had a bad night, therefore we were both up ALL night. He finally fell back to sleep just as Carter was waking up for the day. Mark had already gone to work so I got Carter a sippy and some breakfast, sat him in bed and hoped he'd sit still long enough for me to get a little bit of sleep. Well he let me sleep alright... and while I slept he worked and worked hard!

His car, thankfully since its a dry erase marker it did come off easily.

Again, it did come off the table, but our alarm clock still bares Carters masterpiece!

Now for our bed. Believe it or not he actually did all of this while I was sleeping in this bed! How I didn't hear him I don't know. The markings went around the entire perimeter of our bed. Unfortunately dry eraser does NOT come off of fabric.

This happened a few days prior to the red marker fiasco, you'd think we would have learned our lesson, but no, we didn't! We still use this comforter every day, despite his lovely artwork its the softest comforter ever... like butta... so a little marker or not its not going anywhere!

So there it is... As you can see the marker masterpieces haven't happened in over a year. ;) Crayola washables are a wonderful thing. I suppose the pencil drawings aren't that bad, I'm sure a magic eraser will take care of it. If not we have spare paint in the garage. I don't know, I'm kinda thinking it should stay, he did a pretty good job, wouldn't you say?

We do have plenty of artwork on paper but paper is for the average 3 year old... Obviously our son is far above average!

Something kinda cool

This morning I dropped the boys off at MOM (Mom's morning out) Its a program with one of our local churches, I drop the boys off and they get to interact with other kids their age, have fun, learn, and the person who runs this is wonderful with the kids. This allows me to get quite a bit of errands run without having to drag the boys along for the ride, which I think both the boys and I appreciate!

So this morning I took my car in to be washed then headed to the grocery store to get a few supplies for Sunday's BBQ. While waiting in the check out line I notice the woman in front of me looks very familiar and it instantly hits me, it was Ms. Valencic my 5th grade teacher! She looked exactly the same but I figured there was no way she'd remember me. Well I was wrong, she turned around, noticed me and said "ANDREA!!" That literally blew me away. Ms Valencic is one of the two teachers I had throughout grade school that I will always remember. When I was in 4th grade my parents moved and I had to change schools in the middle of the year. I never really felt like I fit in to our new school, I was only there a few weeks before it broke for summer vaca and I was really missing all my old friends from my other school. So the summer passed and I got Ms Valencic as a 5th grade teacher. When I first met her I was afraid, there was a rumor going around that she was a tough teacher and I really was hoping to get the sweet little Mrs. Ellington. But I didn't and I admit I was nervous. Ms Valencic seemed nice, but you know how those 5th grade rumors are... soooo truthful! Ha! Ms Valencic was an amazing teacher, within the first few days I instantly felt at home because of her, she was wonderful. I remember not wanting to leave 5th grade because I would miss her too much. She had a way of connecting with her students and made her class so interesting and even the slowest learners got good grades. She was never mean like other kids had said, she was fun and exciting, maybe a little stern at times, she definitely demanded respect but not in a way that made you fear her. She is the only teacher I ever had that actually made me look forward to assignments! Out of every teacher I've ever had, she is the one that truly made a difference while growing up. And here we are, 16 years later, and she still remembers me and called me one of her "star students". I guess the reason that surprised me so is because while I've only had a handful of teachers, she has taught hundreds of kids throughout her career. Its just nice to know that while she made a huge impression on me as a child, I also made a good impression on her as her student.

We chatted for a few mins, she asked me about life and was so happy to hear how everything has worked out for me. I suppose to a teacher that is the best news you can hear from one of your former students. She even remembered my parents and asked about them as well. She's the same thoughtful, kind-hearted person I remember. She said she's retired now, and while I was very happy to hear that I was also a little bummed. I thought for a moment how great it would have been to have this wonderful person who was such a great teacher to me also teach my children. She subs occasionally so I suppose there's always a chance!

A few bad days

I really hate complaining, I have been very blessed and I'm well aware of this. I try to take all that into consideration before I start spewing complaints out, but the last few days have been rather miserable. Boo-hoo for me.

First off, I'll be 14 weeks tomorrow and all of a sudden its like I'm 8 weeks again with all the nausea and throwing up... not to mention all the other fun tummy issues I know nobody wants to hear about. I was really looking forward to this time, depending on which book or website you read I'm finally in the golden second trimester, the trimester where you're supposed to feel your best. Instead I'm sitting here trying to keep my lunch down all while dealing with 2 children who literally freak out whenever mommy has to throw up. If I shut the door they freak out, if while distracted in between heaves Carter makes his way in, he freaks out. I feel terrible, they certainly did not ask for this.

Because of this I just haven't been in a great mood. I'm really trying to rise above it but its just not happening like I had hoped I would. It took Mark and I a year and a half to get pregnant with this one. I know there are others out there who have tried for many years longer only to end up with nothing, I really do know how lucky I am. I remember praying to God over and over that if He would bless us with one more child I would never complain and here I am bitching and moaning over what some would give their left arm for. My poor husband has been such a trooper but I know its wearing on him as well, he's tired of picking up my slack and I don't blame him one bit. He won't admit that but its obvious, its written all over his face whenever he's doing something I usually would be doing. On top of the tummy problems I'm still so tired, all day long I have zero energy, and not being able to keep anything down isn't helping. I really love that I am pregnant, but actually being pregnant has been much harder on me than it ever has before. I wasn't prepared for that but in the end I'm sure I'll look back at this and amazingly miss it, despite everything.

As for Carter and Nolan, Carter has been great, Nolan is really pushing my buttons...literally! Every button in our house is his new favorite toy. The TV, computer, and various power strips... all his favorites. I can't tell you how many times he's turned the TV on and off, the cable box, the computer and power strip to the computer... I'm terrified of what could happen to all of our electronics with all that turning on and off! Finally I had enough and decided I needed to figure out a way to deter him from touching any of these buttons. I searched high and low, then did what any true redneck would do, I got my roll of duct tape and taped over every button and switch in our house and wha-la! No more button pushing! However now our house looks quite trashy with all these things duct taped. Who cares though, a part of my sanity has been saved for now.

I also volunteered to host Easter dinner because I apparently did not learn my lesson at Christmas. I'm not really worried about everyone coming over, just annoyed with the fact that I said I would not do this again and here just a few short months later I caved. I suppose I was having a good day the day my mom asked me. Two weeks after that I'm hosting my best friend in the entire worlds baby shower. I owe her big, she deserves a great day and its my goal to make that happen. I am looking forward to that, just feel a little awkward that I'm going to have strangers in my house. I've never hosted anything unless it was with friends and family so this is all new to me... think I may have to remove all the duct tape for the day so these people don't think I'm some sort of duct tape fanatic! Even though I'm looking forward to her baby shower, I'm also looking forward to it all being over with. I get a bit anxious when things are being expected of me and right now I don't need any more anxiety, but then again who does?

Usually I'd just drown a bad day away with a few martini's, but that's not a possibility anymore so looks like I'll just have to put my big girl maternity panties on and get over it!

Just Call Grandma

We have been having "issues" with Carter recently. I'm not sure what was going on but he hasn't been his self the last few weeks or so. Very moody and at times down right mean. About 3 weeks ago he got sick, had a little cold but wasn't anything to really be concerned about. I gave him benadryl to help with his stuffy nose, we thought that may have been the reason he was acting out. For some reason medicine like that turns our son into a little monster... up all night, back talking, more aggressive toward both Mark and I, and to Nolan, which is really not like him. After his cold had cleared we stopped the medicine but the behavior continued. We would be out in public and my 3 year old son would be telling me to leave him alone or else he's going to put me in my room, or that he was going to tell on me for being such a mean mommy. I admit, I was embarrassed, and confused! What was causing this behavior? If I told him to be quiet, not talk like that to me, or anyone, to be nice...etc. he would just glare at me with the meanest face and say NO! Don't tell me what to do! It was like he was 3 going onto 13! We were miserable to say the least.

Sunday was my dad's birthday. We went over there early in the morning to say happy birthday, give him his present and visit for a bit. My nieces were over visiting as well and Carter just adores his Grandparents and cousins! My mom offered to watch him for the day, we were hesitant because we were going so far out of town and didn't want something to happen and us not be close by... but after the few weeks that we had we decided it would be a nice break so we let him stay with them. We told my parents we would be back around 6pm, it turned out to be a longer day than we thought and we ended up not getting back until 8pm! This was completely ok with my mom however Carter was really missing us which I felt horrible about. He was away from us from 9am till 8pm, that's a long time for Carter, he's always with me!

When I got there he ran up to me and happily screamed... MOMMY!!! I missed you! I love you! I have to admit I was expecting something much different so it was a really a nice surprise. Ever since he's been listening so much better, he's been very nice to us and Nolan again. Very affectionate and loving. He's my usual Carter again! Granted its only been 2 days, still its such a breath of fresh air, again!

So the moral of this story, you know when you see those kid shirts that say things like "When times get tough you better call Grandma"... They ain't kiddin'!

Who am I?

Ok, so my blog is titled life with 3 kids, technically that's a little premature as I'm currently pregnant with my 3rd... but since he's the one that causes the most "issues" right now (he wears me out more than my 3 and 1 year old do, causes me more heartburn, more sleepless nights, more mornings spent with the potty for more than one reason... you get the idea!) I figured it was appropriate to add him in here as well!

I'm 99% sure I'm having another boy, just a good feeling. I'm so excited to have 3 boys... remain the queen of my castle, but at the same time I think of the stories my dad and his 2 brothers have told me about their childhood and then I think to myself... "What have I gotten myself into!" His name will be Trey Richard, not only do we love the name Trey, we also thought Trey would be fitting as he will be our 3rd boy and Trey means 3rd!

Carter is my 3 year old, will be 4 in May. He's in a kind of his own! Anyone who meets him can't help but love his spirit and personality. He's loving to everyone, but in an instant can turn into a crazy little monster. He's very shy at first, but as soon as he opens up he wants to be the center of attention. He's wild, energetic, a little aggressive at times, but has the biggest heart ever. He's an amazing big brother, he watches out for his lil bro and just adores him. I can't believe my "baby" is starting school in August! Carter is learning something new everyday and its insane how smart he is. He's got the most creative mind and can come up with the wildest stories, they don't always make sense but they're a riot to listen too!

Nolan is my 1 year old, will be 2 in May, and my little snuggle bug! He is the sweetest child ever... he loves to give hugs and kisses and for those he knows he'll walk right up to them and just melt them with the warmest hugs. He's shy at times, very laid back, but very curious and loves to get into everything he's not supposed too! He's a climber... he can manage to climb anything you can imagine. He's extremely smart, if he sees something he wants he will stop at nothing to get it, its amazing to sit back and watch him accomplish whatever he's thinking about, to see the way his little mind works. He's still not talking yet, his doctor was concerned enough to have his hearing checked, which he passed with flying colors, he's been evaluated by a speech therapist and both she and his doctor do not believe he's autistic, which was another concern so hearing that was a huge relief. According to his ST he's on target for everything but speech and we're working on fixing that! I have a hunch that he will soon be talking in full sentences and amaze us all. He's like that, he likes to make me wait, teases me with anticipation, then boom... in one day he's got it mastered! He did that with every other milestone so why should this one be any different?

Now as for Mark and I... We are a force to be reckoned with! We've been together for 7 years, married for 2, and have been through more than most couples could imagine. During all the bad times there was no doubt that despite everything, we had an amazing amount of love for each other. We have a bond that is truly unique. We share everything (accept for my girl scout cookies which I told him if he touched he would die!) seriously, we have no secrets. There's nothing to hide and I feel like that makes us stronger. We've seen each other at their worst and managed to help each other through those times. Sure we have our arguments and there are days when I can't stand being under the same roof as him, but never a day goes by that I question my love or my marriage. He's the one and always has been! Mark is a very respectful person, he couldn't harm a fly if he tried! He's soft, gentle, sweet, he tries to be romantic however usually he just makes an ass out of himself... but seeing him try is more than I could ask for! He's a total goof ball, he loves to make me and the boys laugh and will stop at nothing to accomplish that. What I love most about him is that he's an amazing father and will do anything for his family.

So that's basically who I am, a mother and wife. I'm pretty much an all or nothing kind of person. I refuse to defend myself to anyone who doesn't have the balls to ask me personally what is up. I don't sugarcoat anything. I can be irrational at times but in my defense I am full blooded Italian.. :) I often think out loud, I have no regrets in life, I don't think I am perfect but I would never try to be either. I know when I make mistakes, I don't have a problem apologizing when I know I'm wrong, I'm a happy person and can't stand those who like to bring others down. Of course there is so much more to me, but not many people know that person... if you "really" know me then you are special to me.