Ready for my break!

Good Lord... This weekend was killer. Mark went on a golfing trip, he left Friday from work so we technically hadn't seen him since Thursday night. He got home late last night. Part was business related but most was pleasure. I really didn't mind that he went at first, I knew it was going to be hard to not have any breaks but my BFF and I were going to hang out so I figured I'd barely miss him and the weekend would fly by. Then she just had to go and have her baby a full month early and ruin all my plans! Haha totally kidding there. Still I wanted Mark to have fun, since he rarely ever gets too (not like I ever get to either but I'll discuss that later)

So there I was, sitting at home all weekend long, no breaks, no contact with other adults except the 2 phone calls I got every day from Mark saying, "Hi hun, I'm just calling to say I love and miss you guys, but we're about to walk in to... so I have to run, k, bye. Click. WTF?? Thanks a lot asshole! Finally on Sunday he called and said he had some time to talk. Wow, don't I feel special. Three days later he has time to talk. Whatever. So he's going on and on about his weekend, how he won some stupid award and can't wait till next year... blah blah blah. I stopped him right there and told him there will be no next year. This weekend was hard enough with 2, next year with 3... that's just not happening. Mark didn't like hearing this, I could tell by his tone that he was pissed off by me saying that. Oh fucking well...! We decided to have children so we have to make sacrifices, not just me! I told him the only way he could go next year is if he takes the boys with him. He wasn't liking that idea tho. We ended that phone conversation with an ever so sweet "Well fuck you too" send off. Just what I was looking for after 3 days of not talking to him. Sigh. BTW, the kids were out of range...outside playing. ;)

We didn't speak to each other yesterday, he tried, I ignored. I was just too pissed and feared I'd say something I would regret. He knew he was coming home to an unhappy wife, I'm sure he feared that and I'm secretly happy about it... but I still ignored him, I should have laid into him then but I was just too tired. He leaves for work at 5am, this morning I was half awake when he left, he leaned over to kiss me and I put my hand on his forehead and pushed him away. He then leaned over, kissed my ass, then said he loved me. If there's more of that tonight I'll think about forgiving him.

We did talk this morning. He still says he doesn't know why I'm mad. And truthfully I wouldn't be if he would have started off the Sunday phone conversation with a little compassion. "Gee hun, I'm so sorry this is the first time I'm getting the chance to talk to you... how did your weekend go... Oh I'm so sorry babe, but I really appreciate you taking one for the team and letting me go, I really had a great time and I promise when I get home I'll give you your much needed break..." Seriously, is that too much to ask for? Instead it was more like, "Hi babe, my weekend was great, we did this, ate here, did that, I shot a this, won this, did that, talked to this guy...etc. Isn't that great?" Well fuck you very much, so glad you had such a great time!

A good friend of mine and I were talking about this yesterday. We are truly amazed (more so annoyed) at how men can go off and do whatever it is they're doing, work, play, whatever, and at the same time leave their responsibilities as a husband and father behind them. Like its no big deal. We could never do that! Its not like I can't take weekend vacations with my friends, I just wouldn't. Especially not now, not while they're at the age that they're at. I would get about a mile down the road before I needed to turn around just to make sure they're all ok. I would constantly think of them, worry about them, call them, talk to them... it would be pointless to be away, I wouldn't enjoy myself one bit. How do they do it? Seriously, I want to know.